Experience a Marriage Filled with Connection, Partnership & Passion!

Welcome to Marriage Solutions

If you and/or your partner are high achievers, “discerning”, and/or have high standards... 

If you're beyond just arguing about who left the milk out or how to load the dishwasher...

You've come to the right place for high-impact coaching and proven, actionable strategies & skills that can turn around even the most troubled marriage and (importantly) keep it great, especially if your partner is resistant to or flat-out refuses therapy or coaching.  

The "smart, successful" trap

Smart and successful people tend to get "stuck" in their relationship because they have three uncommon qualities: an ability to solve problems and handle challenges, a history of being right, and the determination to keep going when others would give up.  The world has told them this and rewarded them for it!  (I've been guilty myself)  

But these very same qualities, when misapplied, can become disastrous traps to a marriage.  

Trap #1: "Handling challenge" can leave you stuck in a never-ending seesaw between not wanting divorce and not wanting things to continue the way they are.  After all: you've figured things out before, so of course you'll figure THIS out!  But when you're stuck in a problem for months, even years, it wears down your psyche and keeps you in a state of anxiety: you sleep worse, have less energy, and tend to be impatient and lash out at those around you.  Perhaps worst of all, it imbues a feeling of powerlessness that, because it's so different from how you show up in other areas of your life, can leave you questioning your very sense of self.

Trap #2: "Being right" in your marriage can lead to chronic disappointment and conflict.  That is, their way of doing things is the "right" way.  Their memory of how something happened is "right".  Their memory of something that was said is "right".  When a partner is stuck needing to be "right" they inadvertently  replace love with domination and suffocate the relationship. 

Trap #3: "Determination" is a quality that's often a prerequisite to success at a very high level, and when a partner has exceptional determination it will typically reinforce the prior two traps by creating an "I'd rather die than give up" mentality.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Three reasons to trust me

Effectiveness: You want a coach or therapist who will help you break through that wall.  And with all humility, I'm extremely skilled in getting even the most frustrated, conflicted and “stuck” clients into action and applying the tools they need to turn their marriage, their happiness and sometimes their whole life around.

Empathy: You want a coach or therapist who understands the specific pain you're going through.  And I’ve been there: I know exquisitely what it’s like to feel chronically hopeless, frustrated and stuck.  That there's no possibility.  I *ALSO* know what it's like to break through and come out the other side.  

Relatedness: You want a coach or therapist who has experienced the challenges and stressors you're dealing with.  Beyond experiences with chronic pain and parenting special-needs children, I bring unique relatedness by having lived two very different lives: first as an extremely successful techie caught up in relationship-destroying logic and rigidity, and then as a heart-forward stay-at-home dad.  There’s a lot in the middle between those two lives, and I look forward to sharing more with you when we work together.  :)

What makes a marriage great?

People have a wide variety of expectations of marriage, but I've developed a formula that, when met, everyone agrees defines a GREAT marriage.  What is this "magic formula"?  It's when you feel your marriage is strong across the three dimensions of friendship, partnership and sexual intimacy.  Many people expect less, but everyone agrees that when you've got all three you definitely have a great marriage.

No matter how you prioritize these three dimensions or define what 'success' means for each, you want all three.  If you're missing any one dimension then your marriage may be functional and even good but it won't be great.  If you're missing two dimensions then it's likely you're experiencing more pain than joy.  And if you're coming up short on all three dimensions then you're running on fumes, either white-knuckling to just hold your relationship together or checked-out and resigned.

How to fix your marriage

You need both a clear plan so you know how to achieve your goal and some key skills to overcome the obstacles on the way there, just like you need both a map and hiking skills to navigate your way out of a treacherous forest.  Without the skills you'll remain stuck in your current loop of overwhelm, upsets, fighting and disconnection.  Without the plan you won't know what to do when or even if you're on the right path.

My Marriage Success Habits span all three dimensions mentioned above and make the experience of marriage wonderful; they organically strengthen core skills like communication, compromise and conflict resolution while rebuilding trust, respect, appreciation and attraction.

Marriage Success Habits are the primary framework to both repair your marriage and keep it great.

You also need...

The Marriage Success Habits require you to pay attention, do things for your partner and leverage relationship muscles that are probably weak.  That's where skills and resources come in.

You'll need six key relationship skills to effectively support the Marriage Success Habits.  The first three skills are curiosity, compassion and generosity, all of which are difficult if you're stuck "being right", resentful, or inwardly focused.  And because marriage is a two-way street you also need the next three skills of confidence, influence and self-love to stand up for yourself and get what you want.  

Of course, doing all that is hard when you're exhausted, overworked and just want to collapse.  Hard when you're doing so much for others that you don't have time for yourself.  Hard if you're dealing with health issues that keep you from fully enjoying life for yourself, with your children and with your partner.  That's why you also need strategies for creating more of three core resources of energy, time and vitality.

Looking at your marriage habits, skills and resources this way can illuminate a path from where you are to the connection, support and intimacy you crave. 

The final piece

Knowledge isn't power; applied knowledge applied correctly is what gets you from where you are to the supportive, fun and passionate marriage you crave.  

When you work with me you'll get clarity about what you truly need and what actions to take, guidance on how to apply the habits and skills to your unique situation, and the support and motivation that you only get from working with a live coach.

Click to schedule a free consultation, or enter your first name and email below to get my free guide "11 Habits for Marriage Magic!".